Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Finally!



I think that I am finally coming to a place where I really love who I am, where I have come from and what I am becoming. And that is a huge thing. I finally have the whole picture. I have a way forward. I have a vision and a well-thought-out plan for the future. There aren't going to be anymore suicide attempts. I have finally figured out why they happen. I have finally managed to identify and isolate myself from the triggers. And in becoming reacquainted with the fantastic experience that is hypomania I am coming to realise that I have not been putting unrealistic expectations of myself. This is so familiar. This is me. The old me. The high-functioning, bright, bubbly, confident, efficient, productive me. For so long now I have been so frustrated with not only the unspoken "truth" that once you are diagnosed with a mental illness, you will never again be able to expect to regain your former self, but also by the persistent message from my clinicians that I have overly high expectations of myself. Of course I do. This is who I am! I am not limited by my mental illness. It is, infact, a gift. I have a lot that I want to achieve in the next 22 years, in many different areas of my life. None of it will be possible without the effective management of the Bipolar and effectively harnessing the hypomania. But it is entirely possible and totally achievable. The life that I have not dared to hope for is finally in my grasp. And, although I have to take an unconventional route to achieve everything that I want to, I actually think that it may be possible.